The Bible on Church Discipline and Confronting Sin

My Moral Failure in Ministry

When I was 25 years old and in leadership at a large church in the Midwest, I did something I said I would never do: I had sex outside of marriage.

When I confessed to my pastor what happened, I walked through church discipline and had to step out of ministry for a season.

Let me say one thing before I move on—I'm so grateful for the process. Was it one of the hardest things I've ever walked through? Yes. But without such confession, I doubt I could have found restoration and healing in the long run.

I'm grateful to have walked that journey with pastors and leaders who loved me. Who led the process in grace and truth. Who modeled a biblical and loving response to church discipline. That's why I can write these words now and speak to the process.

Church Discipline

Many who hear the two words church discipline fear the idea of it or have themselves experienced some bad form of it. Either way, church discipline is not meant to be an archaic practice that scares believers. In fact, if done in a healthy and loving way, church discipline is a beautiful thing. Let me explain.

Church discipline is reserved for two situations. The first is when a member of a church or fellowship resists correction from two or three people who have witnessed the person's sin. This process is outlined in Matthew 18, and we discuss it below. The second is confronting a leader in a church who needs to be held accountable.

Both situations must be handled with absolute truth—but also with grace and love. Without grace and love in the equation, church discipline will leave wounds and cause disunity in the Body.

Consider the dynamics of a parent/child relationship; discipline is part of a loving corrective process to help the child mature and grow into a well-rounded person. No good parent loves to discipline their children; however, out of love, they do it.

Our heavenly Father does the same for His children—us. He corrects us when we sin and restores us lovingly if we humble ourselves. Discipline has a heavy and fearful sound to it for those who have experienced it done incorrectly, which is many. If done right, however, it can be exactly what a person needs to be directed down a good path and to grow into the person God envisions him or her to be. It is designed to bring people back into relationship with God and His Church; it is a loving act of brotherhood and sisterhood, with everyone coming around the broken person in love and grace.

Galatians 6:1 says, "Brothers and sisters, if a person is discovered in some sin, you who are spiritual restore such a person in a spirit of gentleness." I am thankful I experienced it this way—in gentleness. It is quite possible that if my sin had not been dealt with in a healthy and godly way, I could have been hurt to the point of division. I could have become angry and bitter, distancing myself from God and the Body of Christ. Yet, because I underwent godly church discipline, I continued to go to that church for many years and experienced incredible support and restoration.

Second Corinthians 2:5–8 tells us this:

“Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him.”

I just want you to know that the words church discipline do not have to be scary. And it is not wrong for a church to do such a thing. In fact, it is very necessary in certain situations. Sin cannot be allowed to simmer under the surface or be swept under the rug. Like yeast in a batch of dough, sin will work its way through the Body. It must be dealt with.

Discipline Regarding a Leader

Regarding dealing with pastors and other prominent church leaders who are caught in sin, 1 Timothy 5:19–20 says this:

“Do not listen to an accusation against an elder unless it is confirmed by two or three witnesses. Those who sin should be reprimanded in front of the whole church; this will serve as a strong warning to others.”

Leaders are meant to be an example and, therefore, above reproach. They lead by example and show others how to live a life wholly submitted to Christ. But as they lead in godliness by example they must also be an example to how sin destroys. When temptation takes root in a pastor's heart and sin has entered into his or her life, greater discipline is required—discipline that serves as an example to the consequences of sin.

Church leaders are shepherds over their flocks. They are responsible for the care of the people they lead. If a leader falls into sin, it is necessary for that leader to confess and repent before them. It's an obligation they have to those in their care. It also serves as a cautionary tale and warns others to stay far from sin.

I had to go to the leadership team I worked with to confess my sin. Some pastors and senior leaders may have to go in front of the whole church for confession, which I have seen as well. In general, leaders are held to a higher standard due to a more public role and, thus, must be disciplined before the Body they serve.

Again, the discipline must be done in love, humility and grace. Without those conditions in place, the discipline will lack the purity required for genuine transformation to take place. But done right, church discipline can be a conduit to grace and redemption in the Body of Christ.

Discipline Regarding a Friend

Jesus' words in Matthew 18:15–17 give us a clear path for dealing with a friend or family member who is sinning against us. Church discipline might be needed as part of the process.

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

There are four steps outlined in this passage that tell us how to deal with a matter of sin.

 1. Go to the person one on one. If you see sin in a friend's or family member's life, go to that one. If you have a problem with someone, speak to him or her first. Talking it out as two people, honestly and in love, is by far the best first approach. You never know; you could be perceiving the situation wrong or your friend might repent without having to take the matter any further.

 2. Bring another along. If going to the person alone does not work to bring repentance or reconciliation, it is time to bring another into the mix who can act as further witness to the need for correction. But this is important: Make sure it is a godly person who can be trusted, someone who knows both you and the person being approached. That witness can confirm what is going on and help the person being confronted to comprehend the sin or the wrong being done.

 3. Tell it to the church. If neither the first nor second approach works, it is time to bring it to the church. Note, the assumption is that the church is a loving fellowship that will not bring a charge with impure motives.

 4. Separation. If nothing works to bring repentance from the sinner, ties must be cut. This is not meant to be an unloving act but, rather, a separation from sin. You can still extend grace and love to the person, but, the fact is, if at this point the person's heart has not been softened, chances are it might never be. Better to create distance so that the sin is not like yeast that spreads throughout the Body.

If you see sin in another's life or if you are upset with someone who has hurt you, Matthew 18 the solution. It is the process God has established, and you are not above it, no matter how right or justified you might feel to go another route. One of the quickest ways of causing division in the Body of Christ is by circumventing healthy conflict. I cannot tell you how many times I have watched someone discuss with one person the problem he or she has with another person instead of talking to the offending person directly.

You may feel you have the purest motives in telling an outside party, but that is not biblical and it is wrong. Matthew 18 tells you to go to that person if there is a fault; not a boss, not a pastor, not anyone. Period. Bringing another into the situation takes place only when you have approached the person without resolution. You may then move to step two of the process, which is including someone else in the discussion who might help the individual turn from sin.

Would you want someone going to others and saying negative things about you? Would you want your name and character smeared? Of course not. So never do it to someone else. Always follow Jesus' words in Matthew 18 in a conflict.

I hope this helps bring some clarity to these processes.

I end with this: If you’ve been hurt because someone didn’t follow these biblical responses, I am so sorry for your pain. I have also been on the end of poor leadership or a friend who spoke behind my back. It’s not easy but there is healing for those hurts.