The Life of an Enneagram 8 Female
8 Enneagram
Type Eight — The Struggle is Real
Girl, I hear you and I see you. Being an Enneagram 8—the Challenger—isn't always easy for us ladies. In fact, of all the enneagram types, it is this one that may be the hardest for a woman.
When I first learned I was an eight, a few things popped into my mind. I remember reading and thinking, wow, this is me. Stuff I had struggled with over the years, or little things about myself finally had some definition.
But then I also thought, really? I felt a little embarrassed to be a woman known for being challenging and confrontational. I felt a little less feminine being a type eight.
Growing up, the oldest and only girl of four children, I was labeled bossy by my brothers and confrontational by my parents from even a young age. To me, I was simply self-reliant and self-assured.
After I gave my heart to Jesus as a teenager and graduated high school, I stepped into vocational ministry.
Sixteen years later and I still have to work a little harder than most to flourish because so many of the external manifestations of being an eight don't always settle well with people in ministry. Especially when you're a woman eight. Because women should be submissive, quiet, and meek, am I right? And while for a long time I tried to be someone I wasn't, I've now learned to embrace parts of me I once tried to hide.
But as I began to really dive into what it meant to be a Challenger, I began to settle into what that looked like and found appreciation for all the beautiful aspects of being an enneagram 8 female.
Type Eight Realities
Perhaps you've fought this personality description or tried to hide traits you thought were a bit unlovely. Maybe you've struggled over the years to overcome people's perceptions of you that in no way matched your heart. And you've likely been hurt over the years from words like bossy, rude, or uncaring.
My friend, I've been there and I know as a woman, it's not always easy to be an eight. But there are wonderful things about being a Challenger. When we lean into the healthy version of ourselves, parts of us come alive that make this world a better place.
If you're an Enneagram 8 female, lean into these words and find encouragement for the journey ahead of you.
Traits of an Enneagram 8
Registered Trademarks of a Type 8
The Challenger is considered the powerful, domineering type; self-confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational. They're known to be independent, determined, and tough. Although, if we admit it and allow others to see it, we are softer and more vulnerable on the inside than most would think.
While people often see those attributes—primarily when an unhealthy eight operates from those places—they aren't who we really are, are they?
What one person sees as pride is our confidence. What is seen as a lack of emotion is really just us protecting ourselves. What is seen as plowing forward is our drive for justice.
In reality, we do care genuinely for the well-being of people, and we show that by encouraging them to be the best version of themselves.
I might not be the most obviously empathetic person, but I will go to bat for the underdog and fight for the rights of people because our personality type is fiercely loyal.
I might not be the best to counsel someone one-on-one, but I can take the Word of God and communicate the Gospel so that others will be strengthened.
And I might not be the most flexible person in the world but I work hard and get the job done.
We may not be the meek and mild women you think we should be, but God has a call on our life to make a Kingdom impact!
Personality Type Excuses
But let's be real—these attributes about us aren't an excuse for poor behavior or lack of growth. We must take that determination within us to be healthy and flourishing. And to do that, we must understand what makes us tick.
Our basic fear as an enneagram type is being controlled, and that hits me at the core. I desire it very much if I'm honest. And it's not because I want power, but because I want to protect myself from hurt. By controlling the circumstances around me, maybe I can keep harm at a distance.
As an enneagram 8 female, it's not about dominating to dominate but rather a defense mechanism from getting hurt.
How to be a Healthy 8
The Value in Relinquishing Control
As we all know, control can be a dangerous tightrope to walk. It can make us seem uncaring to the people around us. It certainly puts God in the backseat of our lives. And one of the most important things you will need to do, to flourish, is to learn to relinquish control to God and others.
Trust people with ideas and decisions and opportunities, and lean into God's strength. I have found 2 Corinthians 12:9 to be so good for my soul.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
If there was someone in the Bible who could boast a bit it was Paul. He had the background, the training, and the respect as a Pharisee; all the head knowledge was there. He met with Christ, became an influential leader in the early Church, and ministered to great distances.
Yet here in this chapter Paul declares that he'd much rather declare and live in his weaknesses than in his strengths. Why? Because he knew the eternal value of surrendering all control over to Christ.
When you and I choose to admit we can't do it all and surrender control to God—when we live from our weaknesses—then God's strength floods in! Not only are you more capable for the job by His power, but He gets the glory!
I know as an enneagram 8 female this might be hard at times but as I've begun to live from this place of surrender, I've seen beautiful things happen that were only possible by His means.
Prefer to Be Vulnerable
In addition to relinquishing control, you are going to have to learn to let people in, even after you've been hurt.
People will fail you and that will be so incredibly hard on your heart, but you have to be brave enough to let them in again; to embrace relationships.
Jesus said not to forgive seven times, but seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:21-22). This means, there's no justification for unforgiveness and closing yourself off, no matter how much it hurt. When you've been let down, learn to forgive and to let people back in.
Type Eight — Levels of Development
Here are some additional ways to grow:
Be willing to admit when you're wrong. Or when you don't know the answer. And make “sorry” part of your vocabulary. It's okay and necessary for a healthy relationship to yield to others.
Be open to letting others into your inner circle. Life is better when done in community.
Don't assert your will, but rather inspire others.
Learn to channel your zest in healthy ways and be considerate of how that zeal might come across to others. Sometimes in your pursuit of getting things done, you might push people over. Include others in the process.
Enneagram type 8's feel everything in their body (the gut triad) and wrestle with anger. Learn to find ways to channel your anger into being productive but not harmful to others.
A Healthy Enneagram 8 Female
When a Challenger is healthy, they:
inspire others to be the best version of themselves.
are natural leaders.
take care of others.
are generous.
show tenderness and empathy.
advocate for justice and equality.
support others and go to bat for their people.
My fellow enneagram type 8, you will feel passion intensely. You will stand up for others and fight for the cause. You will lead and inspire. This world needs what you bring to the table; offer it to the Kingdom and allow God to use your fiery commitment for His purposes.
If you're an enneagram 8 female, I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences below, so leave a comment!
Personal Advice from an Enneagram 8 Female
Throughout my journey as a strong woman in ministry, there have been clear levels of gender bias and discrimination. But this is likely true no matter what sector you serve in.
There is a balance we must find as a type eight. We must not make ourselves small to make others feel more comfortable. Operating in our calling means operating how God made us.
But we must also learn how to operate as a healthy eight which means: learning to listen before making a final call, picking and choosing our battles, and being aware of our tone.
You have an uphill battle in some ways, as a professional woman, but you are not alone in the journey. God created you and He can certainly help you!
Lean into weakness by pressing into Him for guidance in the tasks, wisdom on how to navigate difficult situations and conversations, and to chisel out the hardened exterior you've built around you.
You are not alone—and you don't have to operate so. The Creator of all personality types and people fashioned you this way for a reason.
FAQ
What are some Enneagram 8 strengths?
Type eight's tend to be decisive, loyal, and push for justice on behalf of people.
What are some Enneagram 8 weaknesses?
The most common or noticeable weaknesses of the eight are excess control or lust for power. Unhealthy, they will bulldoze others to clear their path to success.
How does an Enneagram 8 feel loved?
Challenger is an adventurous romantic mate with strong romantic instincts. Eight's love and respect a partner who challenges their best self. They are looking for a stable partner with an open heart and who is not afraid to be open and vulnerable.
Who should a type 8 Enneagram marry?
Type 8's are usually paired with 9's in a good combination. Nines enjoy the eight's courage, and the eight's are happy with the calm energy of the nine.
How common is Enneagram 8?
Is it rare for people to get Enneagram 8? According to Truity's survey, the type 8 population accounted for around 15% of the total. Eight is more commonly found in men, with only 13% females compared with 18% males.
Additional Resources
I want to thank my friend, Lindsay Barnett, for her in-depth knowledge of Enneagram types and her contributions to this article.
NOW LIVE
Being a woman in leadership is hard. We aren’t always embraced as capable leaders and face obstacles men don’t. But you were designed to have a voice at the table!
Learn to channel your eightness and grow into a healthier leader.
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